Mixed Emotions

Well, the word finally came yesterday... I didn't get into school for the 2009-2010 school year. I wasn't terribly surprised. I mean, I applied REALLY late. It would have been an absolute miracle if I had made it in.

I'm quite disappointed and sad. I'm also relieved. I really want to go to school, move to England, as soon as I can. I'm ready to start the next chapter. But when I think of ALL the things I would have needed to do before September... Well, that's where the relief comes in.

I am going to re-apply for next Fall, as soon as I can get my UCAS information updated.

I am feeling a confusing amount of emotions. On top of the disappointment, sadness, and relief, I feel annoyed, angry, heartbroken, and all alone. I also feel a little bit like a failure. I know that the "alone" and "failure" feelings are just lies, but they are there. I trust that God knows what I am feeling and what I need to do to make this work. So... Here I go again. The process of applying and waiting, starts again...

Sleep Deprivation Sickness

I haven't been sleeping much lately, for several reasons...

1. The most evil, diabolical rooster in the world, moved into the neighborhood

2. Emotional drama

3. The worry over weather or not I'll get into school

4. The heat (Though the last couple of nights have been cooler)

And the most recent reason I haven't been sleeping, at least the reason last night:

5. Edwin

Edwin is the kitten that I brought to join our family. He arrived last night. It's been a lot of years since we had a kitten. Our other cat SeverusSnape (AKA "Sev") came to us when he was already full grown... I had forgotten just how insecure a six week old kitten can be. Don't get me wrong, I love how attached he is to me already, but... Well, I got about three hours of sleep last night. The other sleep interrupting problems I mentioned before, already had me slightly insane from lack of sleep, not to mention fantasizing about rooster hunting. I mean I spent a lot of time yesterday either laughing hysterically over mildly funny things, or bursting into tears over Hallmark Card commercials. So take my already exhausted self, my precarious mental state, and my rather turbulent emotions, then add on top of that a night of three hours of broken sleep... That should give you an idea of my present state of being. The good thing though, is that I have a kitten who adores me and follows me everywhere. So after work today, I will take my less than happy self home, and get some kitty snuggles.