Sigh of Relief

I know, I know! It has been ages. What can I say? I was overwhelmed by the tasks facing me. The stress of figuring out how to get my visa, how to get the financial side of things figured out... How to get it done in time... Well, it nearly broke me. The stress had been affecting my physical health as well as my emotional health. I was a wreck. I felt absolutely convinced that all my dreams were going to grind to halt, never to get going again... Eventually though, I snapped out of it.

It occurred to me a couple of weeks ago, that I could request a deferment, that is, see if I could keep my offer from the school, but start a year later in September of 2011. I also realized, that if they didn't grant the deferment, and I lost my offer, there was nothing stopping me reapplying next year, well nothing but myself... It all seems like such an obvious solution to all the stuff I have been stressing out about lately. The only defense I can offer for not seeing it sooner, is that it is never easy to look at a situation objectively, when you're right in the middle of it...

So, after much back and forth, I wrote to the Science Department admissions office at MMU. I explained that struggles I was having getting everything together in time and asked if I could defer my spot until next year. This morning I received this email:

"Dear Kelina

Thank you for your email. I have amended our and UCAS records to show you have deferred your application to September 2011. We will contact you during the Spring of 2011 to ask if you still intend to take up the place. In the meantime, please inform us if your contact details change.

Many thanks
Pat

It was as easy as sending an email... I could have skipped all the agonizing stress of the last couple of months by writing this email sooner. Clearly I am as blind as a bat was under too much pressure to realize it before. Anyway, upon reading that email, I heaved an enormous sigh of relief.

So that is my plan at the moment. I am now thinking and planning with the idea of going to school next year, instead of in a month and a half.

________________________________________________

And now, on to a completely unrelated topic.

I love acting. I REALLY love acting. I have been told I have a talent for it too. Not just by friends and family, but by professional talent scouts. But when I was about 14 or 15, I started having very severe audition anxiety. Even when I auditioned for friends in a church play or something. It increased every year. The anxiety is crippling. My heart races, I sweat profusely, words get stuck in my throat OR rush out in an incomprehensible rush... I freeze.... Once I had a part, the anxiety vanished as if it never existed. I could go to each rehearsal and act my heart out, loving every minute of it. But the audition anxiety got so bad, that a couple of years ago, I gave up. It broke my heart to stop acting. I felt like a huge piece of me died.

Last week, while going through job postings on craigslist (I am looking for a second job to help raise money for school) I saw a posting for an audition. It was for a feature length independent film that is scheduled to start shooting in Washington this Friday. They were having open auditions in a town about 30 minute South of me... I decided to go.

Sunday, I asked all my friends on facebook to pray for me. All Sunday evening and Monday morning, I got drenched in support and prayer. When I arrived at the audition venue Monday (yesterday) morning, I felt nervous, but only in an excited way. I was amazed, as I stepped onto the stage, to feel calm and confident. I got all the way through the audition without even a hint of the crippling anxiety I had become accustomed to feel. I had a blast. Even though I was just reading one scene over a couple of times, I found my joy in acting again. I don't even care if I get a part. Making it through the audition AND enjoying it, was a GREAT result. I am so thankful for all the love, support, and prayers of my friends. I felt them all. Thank you.